It's the Hands Off My Man Edition

Greetings and welcome to the You Thieving Tramp Edition of You Are What You Read.

But before we dive into the tawdry facts of a seedy, steaming love triangle there’s some housekeeping we need to take care of.

In the battle between Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck, I am sad to say there is another W for Phil. Two Nor’easters in a week means twice the misery. Hope you all have recovered and all is safe and sound. The official count is Phil 3 – Chuck 1. This is just tragic. C’mon Chuck! Give us a little something please. I’d settle for a tie, wouldn’t you all? I will be lighting candles before Lemon Pig. Perhaps Lemon Pig can intercede? I suggest you all do the same.

Who doesn’t love a good juicy love triangle? Think about some of your more famous ones. You’ve got Henry VIII and every one of his wives after Catherine of Aragon; Marc Antony, Cleopatra and Octavia; and of course, Liz Taylor, Eddie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds. For you Young Ones, who can forget the more recent Jen, Brad, and Angie?

Well People, now we can add an aviary triangle that is captivating the country.

In involves Christo who is a Red Tail Hawk and his girl Dora. He and Dora have a love nest in Tompkins Square Park in the East Village. They have been together for about 5 years now and have raised 10 chicks together. All was well until about three months ago when Dora had to go into the hospital for a broken wing.

A decent hawk would have patiently waited for his true love to return. A decent hawk would kindly remember that hawks mate for life. A decent hawk would have used these three months lounging around in his underwear, drinking beer, and watching sports. A decent hawk would be doing what decent dudes do while their Lady Love is in the hospital trying to get well. Which is waiting for her to be well so they could reunite.

But not Christo the Pig Dog Hawk.

Nope. Our player Christo took up with a new female Red Tail that has been named Nora (as in Not Dora).

For the last three months, the Floozy that is Nora and Pig Dog Christo have been going at it with alarming regularity crushing the hearts and minds of the bird watchers in the park.

And then this week Dora came back.

You can imagine I am sure what happened when Dora returned to the park.

Not pretty.

Feathers. Were. Flying.

The current status is fascinating but not surprising. Christo is dividing his time between his two ladies because he is the biggest cliché ever. Morning time is Dora Time with Christo bringing her the hawk equivalent of chocolate and roses to her. Sadly this equivalent is dead rats and sticks. (As an aside, I would advise her to hold out for more top drawer offerings). In the afternoon, he flies to the side of his Girl Toy who has not done anything for him like stay with him through sticks and thin, raising 10 babies. Nope. That Nora is only good for one thing. And that’s all I am going to say about that.

I am hoping that Dora gets outta there and maybe starts life anew on the Upper East Side in a nice prewar with a doorman and perhaps a working fireplace. Dora! You don’t need a mate! Be your own girl!

If you want more on this there was a great piece in the New York Post (who knew they nature reported?) with perhaps the best headline ever, Treesome!

This week we have blackmail, Mary Shelley, empty vodka bottles, and some fantasy.

Let us begin!

Mallory is crossing stuff off the list this week. Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli has been on my TBR pile since it first came out in 2015. With the film release in just a few weeks, now is the time to read it! Simon is a gay high school student who is seriously crushing over an internet pen-pal. When a fellow student discovers he has left his email open on a Library computer, Simon is blackmailed or else risks being outed to the entire school. What follows is a bevy of shenanigans that are only possible from quick-witted, musical-theater loving teenagers. If you’re on the hunt for a lightheaded story with warm friendships, laugh-out-loud moments, and a bit of sweet romance, I can’t recommend SIMON highly enough."

The Amazing Amanda had to pick up Lita Judge's book, Mary's Monster. "Our teen librarian, Mia, recently talked about this book in her Darien Reads book review video. She flipped through the pages and I couldn't stop thinking about those 300 beautiful illustrations. I had to read it for myself. The book is about the young life of author Mary Shelley and how she conceived her Creature (that we know as Frankenstein). Her life was difficult with uncaring parents, difficult relationships within a blended family, and so many family secrets. The roguish Percy Bysshe Shelley tumbled into her world like a prayer. As you may know, he was anything but an answer to her dreams. The book will stay with you and you'll check up on the life stories of the people on Wikipedia. Either way, this is the world that birthed nightmares. Side note: Mary Shelley was just a teenager when she created the mad scientist trope and invented science fiction. Not bad for the daughter of Mary Wollstonecraft."

Pat T is keeping it mysterious this week. “I read Clare Macintosh's previous two books, I Let You Go and I See You, so I was looking forward to reading her latest novel of suspense, Let me Lie! When Tom Johnson jumped from the cliff, followed by his wife nine months later, their only daughter, Anna, was devastated. The police determined their deaths to be suicide, but Anna, knowing her parents as she did, didn't want to accept the police report of suicide. While cleaning out her mother's study Anna uncovers puzzling and disturbing things about her parents; empty vodka bottles are abundantly hidden all over the house. She realizes she doesn't know her parents as well as she thought, maybe she and her baby are not safe, maybe the father of her child is not who she thinks he is. All these puzzling questions make for a ‘can't put the book down’ read that keeps you guessing.”

Kaitlin from the Rock is here. Hello Kaitlin! “Hello! I have been quiet lately because I have spent the last eternity reading The Eye of the World, the first book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. Don't get me wrong, I am really enjoying it. But it's about 800 pages. It's the story of Rand and his friends, who are on a quest to stop the Dark One and to figure out which one of them is the Chosen One. The group travels through new lands and cities, and ends up splitting up and having different adventures, all while being chased by Darkfriends and Trollocs (think big, evil, scary monsters and spies for the Dark One). I typically don't read fantasy, but I've always been curious about this series, and my boyfriend convinced me to test it out. The writing is wonderful. Robert Jordan paints such a vivid picture in my mind--it feels like I'm watching a movie play out in my head every time I read it. I would consider it a sort of cross between Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. If you're looking for a book to take you on an (albeit long) adventure, try this one out!”

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