It's the Why Should This Week Be Any Different Edition
Greetings and welcome to the Why Should This Week Be Any Different Edition of You Are What You Read.
That’s right, People. It’s more Bears in places they decidedly do not belong.
I received an email last night from Emily W (her real name) who reported to me that there was a bear who decided to let the police in her town of Bedford, New Hampshire know precisely what it thought of them. It wandered around the parking lot, left a “gift” and then lumbered off. Because it was the police, I am sure their car doors were locked. I guess this is just another bear living its version of Thug Life.
Unlike the car in California (again with the California, cars, and bears), where the police got called to free a bear that somehow opened the door and hopped in and then shut the door on itself. Instead of using the rope trick, like last week, they shot out the back windows with a beanbag gun. Would someone please explain beanbag gun to me? I get that it’s a gun that shoots beanbags, but why would you need such a thing? Who invented this contraption? What else can you do with it? Play Extreme Corn Hole?
But the bear that gets our most fervent admiration this week is a Connecticut bear (of course) who feeling parched and puckish wandered through the automatic doors and into Crazy Bruce’s Liquor Store in Clinton. Because it’s a liquor store of course there was the oblivious customer who didn’t even notice that he was following a bear. Could bears be the new “pink elephant” for drunken people?
I am starting to wonder if there is a limit to how bears will be spending out their summer. Let us review, People. We have had bears get into hot tubs and sip margaritas. We have had bears take a dip in the pool. We have had bears come into our homes, hang in the living room, visit us in our bedroom, and trash the kitchen. We have had bears in cars. We have had bears swimming after kayakers. We have had bears looking for the ice machine.
People! It’s all just too much.
Maybe when it cools off and the kids go back to school things will normalize. In the meantime, continue to be Ever Vigilant! For the love of all that is holy, lock your car doors and houses! Bears need bank if they are going to visit liquor stores and stay at Inns, and that wad of cash and Rolex watch that you all seem to be perpetually driving around with could be gone in a flash. And if someone wants to bring me back a beanbag gun from vacation I would be most appreciative.
This week we have some effervescence, the po-po, and a dazzling debut.
Let us begin!
Miss Elisabeth of the CL is back and we could not be more pleased. Here is what is keeping her company during those middle-of-the-night Baby sessions. “Nik is a freelance writer whose life is turned upside down when she becomes a viral scapegoat after turning down a jumbo-tron proposal (that spells her name wrong) at an afternoon Dodger's game. With the stadium's camera crews zooming in on the awkward moment and her casual boyfriend sputtering with rage, Nik is frozen in the spotlight. That's when Carlos Ibarra, the hunky pediatrician sitting behind her, swoops in with his sister Angela to spirit our heroine away from the gaping crowd and into the relative safety of his sports car. Sparks fly, and what follows is a pleasant string of delicious dinner dates and excellent sex. But can these two commitment-phobes make it work? Is the sky blue? Like her first novel, The Wedding Date, Guillory has delivered a funny, effervescent novel starring a woman of color. The Proposal is the beach read you've been waiting for.”
The Amazing Amanda is reading her beloved Tamora Pierce's books again. "Terrier is the first in a completed trilogy about a police officer named Beka Cooper. The book is unputdownable with a cast of new intriguing characters, magic, and investigation into two terrible crime sprees which have resulted in multiple murders. Like Rachel Hartman's Seraphina, Terrier is also set within the walls of a Medieval fantasy city. This 'closed room' aspect gives the author plenty of time to examine the relationships between the police, criminals, and nobility. It's a complex, layered work that builds a real sense of time and place within its limited setting. If you're a fan of Pierce, you know that all her books take place in her fantasy land of Tortall. Beka's books are set 300 years before the Alanna books. She's an ancestress of the thief George."
Even though we are still in the thick of August humidity, one of my favorite titles for the Fall season is being released on Tuesday. Whiskey When We’re Dry by John Larison is a debut that will stay with you long after you turn the final page. Seventeen-year-old Jesse hasn't had an easy time of it. Her father has let their ranch run fallow and has died leaving her with the no other option that to bind her breasts, dress as a boy, saddle her horse and go find her outlaw brother to help her right the ranch. Thus begins an epic tale that will appeal to fans of Westerns, coming-of-age stories, and anyone who likes a tale well told.